So I just found out that to be an astronaut you can’t be under 5’2” and this is BULLSHIT I never wanted to be an astronaut until I found out I couldn’t and now I feel like a dream has been crushed fuck you NASA
i don’t want to live in a world where we can’t launch danny devito into space
Andy Bernard, Regional Director in Charge of Sales at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, former Cornell student, founder of an frisbee club, member of an acapella group, musician, dancer, singer and actor. If you are not impressed yet, you should see me sailing.
idc if it’s true or not this headline is all that matters to me. x
"Wait, so they were filming all the time… even when we didn’t know it?"
[Text] What? What did you to it? xx
”Ok, ok no getting eaten by bears then.” Maria grinned at him. ”You know though, that would be a great prank to play on him, pretend your dead and then rise out of the coffin at him. I bet we could get some awesome movie make up.”
”Why did they call you Ice man? Tell me Fred!” Maria said kissing his chest and wrapping her arms back around him, grinning into his chest as she pressed her face into his chest. ”Ok I’ll grab, wait am I grabbing pillows and blankets or am I grabbing the beer?” Maria asked with a frown. ”Oh, we should take her travel cot out I mean there’s room in there for that little thing right. I don’t really want to sleep outside and leave Evey in here and it is a pretty big tent.” Maria nodded.
"I’m not a big fan of pranks, that’s more a Jim thing, but, yeah, if we get the TV to come cover our fake funeral, maybe some movie director hire me or something."
"I ate some kind of poisonous fruit on the first day and my face got completely paralyzed. Later, in that same night, a cougar attacked the camp, and I was the only one who did not run away screaming, because honestly, I could not even blink with both eyes at the same time. That’s how I got the nickname. The ice man, who fears no beast." Andy laughed at the irony. "Yes, bring her things to the tent. I’ll get the beers. I’m just a little bit worried about uh, the groans… Nevermind, we can’t leave her alone anyway." He smiled and started walking toward the kitchen.
—Fill out with Muse information—
ABOUT THE MUSE.
General Appearance. - Fill out.
Name: Andrew Baines Bernard.
Eye color: Blue.
Hair color: Brown.
Favourite…Colour: White, because it contains all the other colors.Hair colour: Blondes are more fun. Redheads are hotter. Brunettes are smarter. (Just kidding, I don’t care. )Eye colour: It doesn’t matter.Food: Guacamole.Ice cream flavour: Vanilla. (Ice Ice baby)Have you…
Had sex: Yep.
Had sex in public: Yes.
Gotten pregnant: No.
Kissed a boy: No, he kissed me.
Kissed a girl: Of course.
Gotten tattoos: Two, both on my ass. ’Nard Dog’ written in Japanese that was removed with laser surgery. And a small dog made by Pam.
Smoke or drank: Yes and yes.
Had a broken heart: Not only broken, completely obliterated.
Been in love: Yes.
Needed surgery: Plastic. I was hit by a frisbee on the forehead.
Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Are you kidding me? I practically invented the, ‘stay up all night to get lucky.’ thing.
A virgin: No.
A cuddler: Eh.
A kisser: Hell yeah.
Scared easily: What?
Jealous easily: … I would not say easily.
Trustworthy: Like a dog. In a good way.
Have you harmed yourself: Unintentionally.
Thought of suicide:
Attempted suicide: No.
Killed someone: Oh god, no.
Wanted to kill someone: Yes… Broccoli Rob, Dwight, Nellie, Gabe, Plop… my Father.
Who did you kiss last: Gam Gam, on the cheek.
Drove a car: Yes, currently a Prius.
Have/had a job: Duh!
SUPER DUPER ANGST MEME
Send me a ➳ and I will generate a number from 1-300 (yes, 300!) for what my muse will say to yours.
do u have that one person who you kinda just
im so happy youre alive i dont care that youre miles and miles away i just love you a lot and care for you so much
It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips
maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife
"I’m sorry, coffee? what coffee? Oh, you mean this? Nah, it’s just an old tea that I found in the kitchen. The smell is good…"
Liz took a step back. “No, no, no, nope, nada, no. Absolutely not. Not a doctor. But,” she started digging through her purse, “I think I might have a lozenge you can have. They’re like candy, I swear.”
"Uh-huh, you know what else is like candy? Ecstasy. Are you trying to drug me?”